Long time no speak, (we bet you enjoyed every second of it) #HoneyI'mHome #DidYouMissMe?
A lot has happened over the holidays (don't worry, nothing happened in our personal life #FuckingBoring but business wise a lot #ProductivityQueens #NewYearsResolution #StickingToMyGoals #It'sAlmost2017).
As we have so much to say, perhaps it's better to say nothing at all. So let's move to the problems. But if you must know, the demo is coming together and it looks MARVELOUS! We guess you'll have to see it to belive it so here you go. #NeverDissapointing.
You know, we were so busy over the holidays being overly productive that we neglected one of the MOST important elements (after the website of course) which is getting our terms and consitions done. And you know, to do that you actually need to get a lawyer (we would have done it ourselves if we only had that stupid lawyer certificate but we guess you just can't have it all). So we started getting recommendations for the top law firms in London specialising in IP (we said IP not IPO, not there yet but will get there soon, hopefully after we get that fucking IP), you know evolution and stuff.
#Anyways to make it easier for you and in order for you to understand our frustration better, we'll give it you in a chronological order.
Starting off with the first law firm 'Dumb & Dumber Ltd'. Honey is this an interigation coz I ain't committed no crime. For every question asked, we got five back. Do you get the ratio? Where is the balance? What didn't you understand? We guess nothing. But not only that, finally speaking to him and his associate #bitch after all this long and excruciating email exchange, he decided that he couldn't take the job due to conflict of interests. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this your hobby? Wasting people's time? Time is money, so I guess you owe me. I'll get my new lawyer to send you the bill #IAmMyLawyer #YetAgain.
Moving on to our second case: 'Gold & Digger Ltd'. We love how at the beginning of each conversation either by email or phone, they highlight how much they undersatnd our position, you know being a startup and all, aka being broke, but than when it comes to the bottom line they see us in the three coma club, shoutout to the Valley #StillWaitingForGuestAppearance. We love how when we talk business or just talk, people under estimate us, but when it comes to the lawyer's bill, everything is so over-estimated. We honestly appreciate you thinking so highly of us, so when we reach the point in the future at which you see us now, we'll always remember that you were one of the first people to belive in us. #Blessed #Thankful #MindOverMatter #WeOweThisToYou.
Doing some calculations, it would be cheaper for one of us to go to a law school for 3 years, get the damn degree and write our own terms and conditions. But how is it supposed to happen without Affixx?! Kinda like what comes first, the chicken or the egg? So I guess we'll just pay upfront.
Last but not least, at least for this week, 'Jew & gentle Jew Ltd' #WeCanSayThisCozWeAre #KeepingTheMoneyInTheFamily #MaybeNot. Knowing he represents some of our family' friends' businesses, we really had our hopes up, third time a charm and all #IsItReally (spoiler alert) Apparently Not. We know you know the law, that's why we contacted you e.g. the lawyer. So dear associate don't try to show off your knowledge to the partner on our expense and time. Instead of reciting the law and giving me potential scenarios, give me the damn solutions. After all that's why we are paying you the big bucks. Why do we need to come up with a solution when you are the professional one? Why do we need to tell you it can be done when you don't believe it can? How can we trust you to represent us in court when you're so fucking fragile? Grow some balls and get back to us #MyBallsAreBiggerThanYours.
Why God cannot send us someone like Harvey Spector and an associate like Mike Ross? Someone that just by looking at him the opposition will shit their pants like we do every time we speak to them. That just the tought of suing us will keep them up at night. God just give it to me!
Finding a real lawyer with bigger balls than ours! Is this too much to ask?
Also finalise the demo version with our programmer. It's almost ready!!! #Excited.
So this week's verdict is as for now I Am The Lawyer! You're dismissed. #IAmTheJudgeToo.
The Dumb Fox tells you the true story of what it's really like to build a startup in today's world. We keep ourselves authentic throughout, highlighting the struggles, success and everything in between. What we write about is what we go through at the moment and not another success story told looking back. Because let's face it, that's just boring and we already know the end, so what's the point really?